Dragon Wars

On September 14, schlock at its finest will be arriving in theaters in the guise of a medium-budget Toho-style monster movie: Dragon Wars. Pretty, Starbucks-swilling people battling even prettier flying reptiles. Invading our world, the dragons are on a quest to fight the onslaught of rising frappuccino prices, destroying all in their path.

Or something like that.

But really, who cares about the story? Plot shmlot -- we want to see a city destroyed and cars flung. Damsels screaming in fear at computer animated, fang-filled reptilian jaws. Heroes that ultimately save the day at just the right, predictable moment, but not before striking a dramatic pose for the promo shots.

Ah, yes, cheesy end-of-summer fare. My life is nearly complete.

Everyone will recognize Jason Behr (as our hero Ethan) from his role as Max on the TV show Roswell. I've no clue who Amanda Brooks is. Rumor has it she's an actress. But don't quote me on that.

So in two weeks, join me in spending my hard-earned $8.50 for a couple of hours of fun and frolic at the expense of culture and sophistication. Because dragons in a big city couldn't possibly be disappointing.

(And how can this promo pic (left) not remind you of Squirmle?)